We laid my husband’s great niece to rest 4 days ago.
There is something about burying a 3 year old who has fought a battle with cancer that shakes you deep to the core. The questions surface? You ponder! You cry! You some how come to terms that God really is ok with the questions, because HE is present and is aware of our humanity!
There is a new element to grieving that I have never walked before, it’s helping my children grieve and grieve well. We could have left them at home from the service but choose not to. There is something about them seeing pain with Merv and I at there side. They need to see our tears, hear the sadness in our voice and then also extend their own arms and hug the people closest to the situation.
Our Kate, who is 4 months older then Imogen Sky just kept telling me on Sunday, “This is the saddest day ever?” Yes baby, it is a very sad day! She was trying to figure out why they were burying her in a treasure chest, I actually like that name for a coffin better, I think it will stick. As we lingered at the grave side, she told me she wasn’t ready to go even though the committal was over. It wasn’t until we went and laid flowers on the ‘treasure chest’ that she was ready. She was just disturbed that we would bury Imogene with the worms. All of these questions were great opportunities to share with her that ‘this world is not our home.’ I don’t know to what degree she comprehends what I shared with her because some of these concepts I don’t get. I choose to trust that the God who made Kate and formed her; will open her understanding even when it doesn’t seem right that we are burying little Imogen with the worms.
It is amazing how God is in the sadness, the questions?! You hug your children longer, you linger a bit more as they tell their story. You realize that life, this specific life that has been crafted for me by an Almighty God isn’t meant to be taken for granted. We all know that but it’s in these moments that you ‘get it.’ All of you have had your own moments, your “it” where you heard Jesus calling you deeper into relationships. That is what this past weekend has done for me!